Sunday 19 November 2017

Stoke Demands Post-Brexit Hard Border

Reports have emerged that Stoke's ruling Council of Elders are going to demand a hard border between the city and the rest of Britain once the country exits the EU in 2019.

"I am not at liberty to disclose the thoughts of our glorious leaders," city council press secretary Barry Lemons said at his weekly press conference. "But it's clear that the will of the Stoke people is to take back control of our borders and stop cockneys and scousers from getting in."

How the proposed wall around Stoke will look

The hard border would involve building a giant wall around Stoke. "What's better is that we will make the UK pay for it, lol," Lemons added.

"The UK needs Stoke more than Stoke needs the UK," Timmy Yip SMP, member of the Stoke parliament for Chell, said. "That much is FACT. Leaving the UK again is our ultimate goal. We give £351 million a week to the UK, money we can spend on festivals and mobility scooters. A hard border is the first step in that direction, that's why we should push for it."

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