Wednesday 11 February 2015

Wife Beating Increase Blamed On Fifty Shades Of Grey

A recent increase in incidents of wife beating in the city have been blamed on the 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' book and film franchise.

"I never realised how sexy getting smacked around was until I read the books," local housewife Tina Backslash said. "Now I love it. It's so trendy, all my girlfriends are doing it."

"My hubbie turned a room in our flat into a red room," Lisa Nanker said. "It's got a Black & Decker workbench, his stash of pornos, his password protected PC and his football boot collection in it. It's so hot. I can't wait for him to smack me in there one day, rather than just beat me in the living room."

An estimated 50% of Stoke husbands already beat their wives, a decline of 10% on this time 100 years ago, according to official figures. This figure is expected to increase dramatically when the film is released this weekend.

"We've been going in the right direction this past century," councillor Katy Terry said. "This kind of thing puts us right back like a bunch of twats."

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