Sunday 21 October 2012

Ball, Ball, Ball, Footy, Footy, Footy.

Manchester United 4-2 Stoke City
If ManYoo hadn't scored four goals, or even three or two, or no more than four, then Stoke would have won this game. But they didn't and they didn't. Peter Crouch drew admiring glances from all the women present and was the real winner of the game.

Port Vale 4-1 Wycombe
Southern perverts Wycombe were smacked like bitches by a rampant Scamps team who've now romped seven points clear in second place in the Endsleigh League fourth division. Pope Tom scored two more goals despite chants from Wycombe fans that he's "just a thin Robbie Coltrane".

Fegg Hayes Cosmos P-P Kidsgrove Thetans
This game was postponed when Kidsgove's team bus got lost and ended up in Newbury, Berkshire. The two managers tried to play the game over the phone but couldn't agree on whether Cosmos striker Ivan "The Terrible" Balaban would have scored a second half penalty or not. "He would blaze it over the bar, he's a bottler," argued Thetans manager Phil Collins. "No way, it would go in off the post then the goalie's bald pate," retorted Cosmos manger Keith Gobbler. The score was 1-1 at the time. A Touch Nightclub League panel will adjudge the final result using dice at a later date. The dice never lie.

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